Ross Patrol (richter_belmont) wrote,
Ross Patrol

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Play it once, LJ. For old times' sake.

It's been over a year since I last updated. I've logged in once in awhile since last June, but I just never feel like posting anything. I always feel like I need to do a big summary of what's been going on since the last time I posted. I'm just going to do a short one so I actually post something this time.

In a nutshell, the last time I posted, I had recently moved from Houston to Conroe, TX, and been in in my new house for a couple of months. I worked at a store called Conn's for awhile until I got a job (briefly) with Activision. I cut back my hours at Conn's after that, and eventually left. Shortly thereafter, I got my old gig back as a PlayStation Rep, except I was in the Spring, TX Best Buy instead of the Houston (Northwest Crossing), TX Best Buy. In November, I was able to get the laptop I am now posting from thanks to a 2011 Best Buy Black Friday sale. In April, my contract ended again with Sony, and I moved back home. I've been back in Alabama ever since. It's been nice being with my family and friends back home again after being far away for the last 4 years. I just had a great birthday a few days ago. And now, I'm working on my next move.

Logging into LJ is always sad, but it just keeps getting sadder. It seems like another friend disappears every time I log in. Granted, MUCH longer periods of time go by now between logins... especially compared to back when I used this thing on a daily basis... but back then, losing a friend was a shocking and extremely seldom occurrence. Now, it's virtually expected. It may eventually reach a point where I don't lose friends anymore simply because they've all forgotten or abandoned their journals. A true internet ghost town.

In fact, I think besides my Russian friends, Jesso may very well be the only one of my friends who still updates. (So, hi Jesso! ;] ) Well, at least as far as I can tell. LiveJournal seems dedicated to gradually REMOVING features. The timeline used to go as far back as you felt like going. At least, I think... it's been so long. Then, IIRC, it went to the last 100 entries, and then 40, 20.... now you can't even go BACK in the timeline. I can't see anything before 10 days ago. It's frustrating, and demotivating. I don't know what LJ is thinking anymore. Maybe it saves on server costs. Who knows. Maybe they don't care anymore. Perhaps a day is coming sooner than later when LJ shuts down, and all these journals and memories vanish anyway, fragments only living on in the sterile vacuum of the Wayback Machine.

Ok, that's not entirely fair. The site does look a little prettier, and it can autosave your drafts. But it's just so lonely, I'm not sure it really matters anymore. I noticed today that my longtime friend (capitall) deleted his journal recently. It hasn't been purged yet, but... I doubt he's going to change his mind. It really cuts to the quick, because not only is capitall a very longtime friend IRL (predating LiveJournal by many years), but he was my first friend on LiveJournal.

He and Marysia were my first two friends. (Marysia was his girlfriend/fiance.) They were actually my ONLY two friends when I started LiveJournal. I started this journal because I wanted to be friends with them on here, and I thought it would be fun. Now they are both gone. Draw your own conclusions regarding the fun. Well, technically, I'm not completely sure Marysia is gone. Her journal still exists, but it's friends-only, so it's anyone's guess if she still updates. Regardless... ok, I'll say it... sadly, even... we are no longer friends. It's a long story. Let's just say they didn't get married and leave it at that.

I guess people delete their journals because it's an era of their life that, despite the friendships, interesting conversations, and funny things we shared, some people would sooner forget than remember. Too many memories of times long gone... people who moved on, or outgrew each other... the lingering musings of "foolish youth." Sometimes maybe the painfulness of it all outweighs the joy.

Even my own journal is worn from neglect. I haven't updated my bio since 2010. The link to my portfolio has been dead for a long time now. I don't even remember the last time I used my online portfolio. My page background (Snatcher) and a number of old pictures were hosted on the same webspace that hosted my portfolio, and they're all gone too. Granted, I still have that stuff on my old hard drive. But using a new background seems wrong... like breaking a tradition... and finding a new server for my old stuff makes me feel sad too. I know, I'm too sentimental. I have poignant feelings for JPGs. Old journals. Dying websites. The absurdity is not lost on the logical part of my brain. It isn't really about that though- it's about the reluctancy to let go. Growing older sure does suck.    :P

That said, I don't plan on deleting my journal- at least not anytime soon. For years, I've had this goal that I would celebrate my 10th anniversary on LiveJournal. That goal is not far away. I started this LiveJournal in December 2003, so I now have less than 1.5 years to go. It may be an empty victory when I get there. A zero-comment "Ross was here." But perhaps all it really means is that it's a REAL journal- one that only I read. The camaraderie may be gone, but the thoughts are no less significant.

(P.S. I guess that wasn't so short after all. Haha. Well, the summary was, for a year's worth of my life. The rest was just current contemplations. Getting started is always the hardest part!)
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